Breast Cancer Research Day: A Story of Ghosts

August 18 is World Breast Cancer Research Day. So... Let's talk about breasts. And cancer. And ghosts.

I have BRCA (the breast cancer gene) and had a proactive mastectomy. Since my mastectomy, I think of my breasts as being ghost breasts. They are odd. Not alive, not dead, and with no feeling in them as a result of the mastectomy. They are there, physically, but I can't feel if I bump into something with them. Sometimes I touch them and they are 7 or 8 degrees colder than the rest of me, the lack of nerve endings and blood vessels causing the temperature difference.

Then there is the literal ghost in them as well. As part of the reconstruction, there is corpse skin grafted in. Some other person's skin is woven into my skin, and I wonder if my dreams are partially their dreams? If I did a DNA test, would a snippet of their DNA be floating in my blood as well? Were they a man or woman? What part of them is in me? Is it like the weird movie in the 90s where someone gets a hand transplant from a killer and their hands keep killing? Do my ghost breasts have some nefarious, ulterior motive? So far, so good.

Then there is my grandma. She died when she was just 44 years old (my age!) and her name was Agnes. Her ghost lives on in my breasts, and in my ovaries, by way of the BRCA gene mutation I have inherited. There are also the ghosts of women I don't know, but were the sisters of my friends. They were also my age or younger.

So many sisters, mothers, daughters, aunts (and so on) that have died of breast cancer, leaving so many kids without mothers. I think of them and my heart hurts. My best friend just got diagnosed with breast cancer in June, but she has a good prognosis. We won't let her turn into another ghost.

I urge you… Please please please get yourself and your loved ones checked. Do your monthly breast self-exams, get an annual mammogram, get a BRCA genetic test if breast cancer runs in your family, or at the very least, donate to the Dr. Susan Love Foundation to support the cause on breast cancer research day!